What is love anyway?

I awoke today with the Howard Jones song “What is love” running through my head.

“I love you whether or not you love me.

I love you even if you think that I don't.

Sometimes I find you doubt my love for you, but I don't mind -

Why should I mind, why should I mind?

What is Love anyway, does anybody love anybody anyway?

What is Love anyway, does anybody love anybody anyway?

Can anybody love anyone so much that they will never fear,

Never worry, never be sad?

The answer is they cannot love this much - nobody can.

This is why I don't mind you doubting …

And maybe love is letting people be just what they want to be.

The door always must be left unlocked

To love, when circumstance may lead someone away from you

And not to spend the time just doubting.”

The concept of love is a topic that many have pondered over the centuries.

My own conclusion is that the word ‘love’ is used by many to describe the very best feeling they’ve ever experienced … thus far.  There’s no way to know if that’s real love, or indeed what real love is.  Personally, I feel that the word ‘love’ is greatly overused.  Perhaps ‘love’ can be attributed to the feeling of bliss that is our natural birthright, but that many never truly experience.  If you’ve had a glimpse of, or come to know this kind of bliss, you’ll know what I mean.

There are many who, through no fault of their own, suffer low self-esteem that is rooted in their childhood and who generate an elevated sense of self to move them away from their feeling of low self esteem.  During this kind of self-generated euphoria, attachments can be made to a person or thing and termed ‘love’ within their frame of reference, especially if that thing/person seems to have a purpose in their life.  Of course, relationships founded in such a situation can be extremely hard to release because they’ve come to be relied upon.

Love can be many things to many people, but perhaps it is only ever a measure of one’s own awareness or perception, and how far that has extended.  Is it any wonder that we as a species become so attached to the concept of love when it holds the promise of anything we want it to be, yet is such a tall order to fulfill?

AGD 8/11/14

Flinging out the old, winging in the new ...

At last, we have left behind 2013 - a year which was challenging for most, to say the least. The collective sigh of relief has faded and we carefully tend our flames of hope and desire, now tempered by the caution of experience.  A quiet sense of strength has become evident in some, whilst others feel like buckling under the omnipresent feeling of struggle that seems to prevail these days.  No, this is not a depressing dialogue, merely one that encourages you to stand still for a moment and take stock of where we are as individuals - what we need to pay attention to in order to create momentum, and what loose ends we need to tend to release us from that which holds us back.

Life is made up of events that carry each of us in the direction of fulfilling our highest potential; the journey is defined by our choices, and therefore we choose the lessons that move us towards that potential.  None of the events en route are accidents - we are all players in joint experiences in a common refining process that will ultimately lead to mutation.

On a physical level, these changes - or shall we say adaptations - may manifest as new aches and pains that we haven't previously experienced - seemingly coming 'out of the blue', as deep emotional issues that were locked into the body begin to loosen their hold.  Pains appear out of nowhere as the body shouts its' need for freedom from limiting beliefs and constricting emotions.  For those who have become receptive to its prompting, the 'voice within' can be apt to shock by it's strength - it is certainly not going to be ignored any longer.  

So, be prepared to ponder what might be happening as your body expresses its needs; be prepared to experiment with different practices or healing modalities in order to attend to these needs, but above all, be prepared to listen.  Your body speaks very literally - it can achieve nothing by being cryptic - so a simple willingness to observe, listen and learn is all that is required.  Become one with your body, rather than allowing the controlling mind to govern all action towards the body; give your body the nourishment, exercise, light and rest that it needs to flourish - not just to survive.  It is time to acknowledge that it is the body that shows us the way - the mind merely helps with navigation.

'D' is for drama, 'R' is for relationship

Hands up who's yet to notice that current energetic influences have shone a very bright spotlight upon every type of relationship?  Hmm, it's been interesting for the last few weeks, to say the least, so let's consider how some dynamics might play out so that at least some people can sigh with relief knowing that it's not just them who's being put through the mill of emotion and that many others are experiencing similar in their own lives.

Whether short or long term, personal, parent/child, working, friendship or fleeting stranger - all relationships will have been having issues of late.  This is no surprise now that we are in a time of great change in so many ways, as relationships are the very vehicle by which any of us can learn about ourselves and the other.  Of late, I've noticed several long term relationships flounder, family relationships have struggled with a spanner in the works and newer relationships have had to rapidly lay foundations and boundaries if they are to survive.  Even in the work environment, dynamics have been squeezed and sudden change has been the result for some.  

As we look around, we would be forgiven for feeling unsettled as the emotional landscape has been changing so quickly.  Current planetary influences now highlight the importance of being free to be your true self, no matter what anyone around you thinks, no matter what the 'rules' have been thus far.  I'm sure many have felt like throwing caution to the wind as the pressure to break out of restrictive circumstances just became too much to contain, and who could blame them?  

One of the ways I try to work out what's going on when relationship problems arise is to consider the various archetypes that make up my persona, and consider which of these might be out of balance and displaying its negative side.  To quote from Carl Jung/Caroline Myss, "archetypes are psychological patterns derived from historical roles in life, such as Mother, Child, Trickster, Prostitute, Servant and become personalised when they're part of your own psyche"  It is believed that the 12 archetypes we are born with provide the foundation for personality, drives, feelings, beliefs, motivations and actions.  For instance - 
The Fool - Light attribute: fearlessly revealing emotion, helping people laugh at absurdity and hypocrisy.  Shadow attributes: using humour to wound rather than liberate, denial of your emotional truth.
or The Saboteur - Light attribute: highlights your fear of self-empowerment and the changes it would bring to your life.  Shadow attribute: induces self-destructive behaviour or the desire to undermine others.
The reason I mention this strategy is that in some people, perhaps those who have invested years of energy into one particular aspect of their lives (study, career, etc) in pursuit of a particular goal, are surprised and puzzled when another aspect of their lives fails to thrive and live up to their hopes, yet it is no wonder when we have several different sides to our nature or many parts to the whole.  If we are to progress upon a solid foundation, we need to 'grow' all aspects of our persona and pay attention to any aspects that require time to heal, investing whatever time is necessary.  The negative aspects usually show as behavioural traits that are out of character so listen to the words others use about us as they reflect back what they see, for at such times, it's difficult to be subjective. 

Personal growth is offered on the plate of relationship many times during our lifetime - sometimes the portion is manageable and we willingly accept with some personal insight ensuing; sometimes it seems huge and we turn away from the challenge and its subsequent growth potential to follow a familiar path, only to have the same trial return at a later date but this time bigger.  Having the humility to accept the challenges of life that relationships bring and to keep checking in with ourselves about what is important to us as individuals takes persistence.  The return on this tenacity can lead to a fulfilled life, a feeling that by the end of it, you've done and achieved much and your purpose here has been meaningful.  

Open hearts and minds

Those fallen from grace shall become as children in the eyes of God, knowing nothing of the world at large, only the guidance of the mothers hand.  We must learn to forgive the transgressions of those ‘children’ and lead by example.  The bricks and mortar of society – of our foundations – truly depend upon those of us who are awake to the realities of this world.

The rising tide of dissent that threatens to engulf us can only be stemmed by an increase in the amount of love felt and conveyed by those who choose to feel.  Following blindly is no longer an option, for the path of the sheep leads nowhere.

Gratitude and forgiveness open our hearts and minds, rendering judgement benign.  Familiar ways become forgotten as an open mind seeks delight in new ways.  Forgotten roots are uncovered and a sense of belonging in where you really are emerges.  With that knowledge, we become strong again, no longer paying heed to the myths of modern mans hierarchy.  Forge ahead into your own unknown, giving life to that which you dream of, for only then will the light within you grow to a sustainable level. 

AGD
Channelled 16th Nov 2012

A click of the heels and three turns ...

Many people assumed, when they heard I was moving to Bath, that it involved having a job to go to or it was because of a man.  Neither of these applied, it was a case of a powerful urge to move, knowing that my time in Tring was over and it was simply time to move on.  Where to go was tricky for a little while - gut feel only told me it would be somewhere in the west country, so I kept mentally scouring Devon until one night I had a dream....
In the dream, I opened my front door and saw the city of Bath spread before me - woohoo!  That was all the prompt I needed to begin making concrete plans - at last, a focus!

So, 3 months of fervent activity ensued, getting rid of as much 'stuff' as possible from the house my boys and I had shared over the previous 6 years.  It was tough, but also somehow exhilarating as multiple trips to the charity shops and the tip opened up patches of wall and floor that hadn't seen light of day for sometime.  Not long before my move, the boys moved out to their respective places and suddenly whole rooms were empty.  Had I really managed to get rid of enough stuff to downsize to a 2 bed flat?

Moving days (one day to pack up in Tring and one to unload in Bath) arrived and loading up went like clockwork, even though my packing wasn't finished until that very morning (partly due to a late assignation with a hot date the night before!).  Only one glitch marred what was a smooth day and that was that I'd forgotten to defrost the freezer - doh!  But hey, what's a couple of hours delay in a lifetime of change?  No big deal.  I drove down to stay in Chippenham overnight before going to collect the keys to my new flat the next morning.

The day of my move into Bath arrived with more than a tinge of anticipation.  The agent involved in the deal had swanned off to spend summer at his pad in France leaving his cold young cohort to hold the fort.  'Cold young cohorts', especially the estate agent variety, are renowned for using the bare minimum of their limited time upon the people who actually pay them, so communication was brief as I duly waited for him to trawl the archives of his computer to find the relevant paperwork.  Eventually I was free to leave with the keys in my already tired hand, eager to set foot in the property I'd checked out a month earlier.

First thing I noticed was how much smaller the rooms were than I'd remembered - it was evident that memory does indeed play tricks when desire has a vested interest.  The second thing I'd conveniently forgotten was that the flat was actually up 4 flights of stairs, not 2 as I'd thought (and told the removal company) - oops!.  A quick check in the kitchen cupboards revealed that the landlady's pots and pans, still with the evidence of the previous occupants food attached to them, were still filling the very limited cupboard space.  A phone call to agent and landlady set what I'd hoped would be wheels in motion but nothing happened.  Instead, boxes very quickly filled up all the available working space in the narrow kitchen so it became a game of shuffle the boxes as we tried to empty some so we could in turn fill the empty boxes with the contents of the cupboards.  The dirty cupboards then needed a clean - not a great start and added further to already elevated stress levels.  Added to this, it became evident after a couple of hours unloading that I wouldn't be able to fit all of my furniture in the flat so I had to take the decision to let several pieces go without even knowing how or where.  A solution was found and my dining table & chairs, rocking chair and a wardrobe all duly disappeared, never to be heard of again.  I decided some things you just have to let go of in the face of the bigger picture.

As if all the stress and effort of the move wasn't enough, my stress levels were ready to go through the roof, and I just wanted everyone to go, I couldn't understand why the gang of removal men just seemed to hang around, making polite conversation and offering endless help.  It took a while for it to dawn on me that they were actually waiting for a tip, despite what I'd already paid.  I went downstairs and had a word with the foreman, offering him a note to buy the men a drink. My offer was declined, but one of the team watching from the window thought he had seen a tip given and I was later contacted by a colleague trying to settle an argument, as the issue had been a source of bickering amongst the men since my move.  Why is nothing straight forward anymore?

Well, all of that was 6 weeks ago now and I'm happily settled here in Larkhall, Bath.  I have to say - this village is rather lovely - all conveniences on hand, including a post office (a rarity these days) and a rather wonderful little french cafe that opened about the time I moved here (stroke of luck or what?).  The sun has done a lot of shining and I've come to enjoy the walk into town and back, barely noticing the hills, uneven pavements and my 4 flights of stairs.  Sometimes I go for a rekky on my bike to suss out the lie of the land - the car mainly gets used to take me dancing these days so petrol usage is halved.

The major difference since moving here has been having a man in my life again.  Although its only weekends, it's been quite an adjustment for an independent woman like me to make and I've had more than a few of my previous ideas turned upside down - good job I can laugh at myself.

Despite some good referrals which are ongoing, work is slow at returning but I'm confident that October will bring a new batch of clients.  In the meantime, I'll keep an eye out for other creative opportunities, or perhaps make some of my own.  We shall see what transpires in the fullness of time, but one thing is for sure, there's plenty going on here so it won't be long before I glimpse a new avenue to explore.

Life Reflected in Dance

Dancing is a way of engaging in the very essence of life and expressing how you feel through that medium.  So those who have an urge to express how they feel through dance will usually find a dance form that best expresses the kind of person they are and fits with the kind of music they prefer – not to mention how much of life they wish to bite off and chew over on a regular basis!    

Indeed, in partner dancing, it is possible to perceive much in those first few moments about the other person, should we care to notice.  This brings me to another observation about different dance styles – they each involve different levels of connection, and therefore beautifully display how willing each participant is to engage in the depths of life, for it’s never just about the other person, but also what they reflect back to us.

Some people will be happy to stay within the same dance genre for many years, perhaps finding it a suitable vehicle for a decent social life and to maintain a modicum of fitness.  Yet others will move every few years through different dance styles as if searching, although they may not know what they seek.  These types may eventually form their own fusion dance, although this carries the danger that few can synchronize with them and their dance is in danger of becoming one of frustration.

So, folks go into dance with some notion about what they want from it, the path of progress turning this way and that over the years as they mature personally.  Plateaus of comfort punctuate the dance lifetime, usually accompanied by a decision of whether to stay put or move forward into a further growth phase.  The need for growth may be driven by the surfacing of uncomfortable emotions from deep within – some aspect of the self has been subject to a growth spurt and we have to work out how to deal with the fallout.  The dance floor then becomes a safe haven in which to feel and subconsciously process the emotions we perceive.  On the dance floor, the feelings we have are an inadvertent blend of our own and the ones we sense and reflect from others, but because they don’t need to be vocalized in that space, it feels easier to process them, carried along by the emotional wave of the music.

* * *

Some observations of the types of people who exist in some dance genres:

Arm-led dances such as Modern Jive, Ceroc, Lindy Hop, Rock & Roll tend to be favoured by people who appear to be happy-go-lucky, like to believe their life is pretty much on track and don’t really want to go digging down inside to see what else is there – they might find something they don’t like.  They are wary of intense relationships, tending to prefer the arms length variety.

Salsa tends to be danced by people who are happy to engage with others in a deeper, more earthy way.  They believe in the power of their own bodies and prefer not to over-think things, favouring more physical relationships.  Not for analytical types.

Tango – the Argentine variety – tends to be favoured by people who have an active mind.  They are naturally curious and like to develop, in body, mind and spirit.  These people know there’s more to life than what you see on the surface and are willing to do some exploring.  However, tango has its share of mechanical dancers - people who are attracted by its aesthetics but lack an emotional connection, perhaps because of their design (see below); they can still do well in tango if they work hard and may even get to the same emotional place as others but by another route.  Their relationships involve growth and change because these people don’t like to stagnate.

* * *

In the system known as Human Design, where we are acknowledged as being 9-centred beings (the centres being representative of the chakra system), it is recognized that the ones who have a ‘defined’ solar plexus centre are naturally emotional beings, making them sensitive types who are used to interpreting life by how it feels to them.  Because they are accustomed to riding the emotional roller coaster, they embrace each obstacle (or change) and maintain a steady course ahead.

Now, some people don’t have a defined solar plexus and, although they may seem to be emotionally cold on the surface, they can actually feel deeply as they amplify the current emotional wave.  They have quite a different outlook upon life, and upon the dance.  These types of people can take much longer than emotional types to learn a dance because they don’t feel the music, their movement or their partner in the same way.  Their dance is, and always will tend to be more mechanical, because they lack that ability to feel it.  They sense the defined solar plexus in those who possess it and are subconsciously envious, because what skills they have developed have been hard come by rather than natural and easy.

However, although these two groups can seem quite disparate, it is possible for them to come together, simply by accepting each other’s differences.  As humans, we will always be different from each other – that’s what creates interest.  In human design, we will always seek to fill the spaces within our own design – usually by surrounding ourselves with people who possess what we  don’t have.

If you’re interested in knowing more about Human Design, go to www.jovianarchive.com or play some of the many free recordings on YouTube – there is a rich seam of information just waiting to be tapped into if you’re serious about learning how to play the game of life instead of being happy to struggle against a head wind.

11^th June 2012

Dire straights to home straights – There’s light at the end of the tunnel

Having already spent many years helping people towards their own healing and playing my part by being a catalyst for their change, it has been frustrating during recent years to notice that my own change was not readily forthcoming.  I’ve become accustomed to the fact that those who turn up to welcome in change would inevitably attract messages that would also apply to myself.  And, over time, I just got to thinking that I had to wait patiently, with blind faith as my only companion, for whatever was deemed to be my lot in life.  What I hadn’t realised was that during this extended period of waiting, my ego had dug a deep rut for me to reside in.  Oh, it has undoubtedly been a comfortable rut, so much so that I didn’t realise it was a rut … until today.

Following the very powerful new moon last weekend, I sensed something had to give – maybe all this professional hanging around had to go – it was either time to grab change with both hands or drown in a mire of stagnation.  Well, I couldn’t bear the thought of staying still any longer, so I opted for change and began to make notes about what has to go from my life. If I’m going to make any changes, I need to see clearly where I’m going or how I want my life to be, so I’ve had to lose a few trees in order to see the wood.

It’s early days at present, and progress is slow.  A pre-clearing meditation showed my real self as being represented by a gazelle.  This is what I found out about the gazelle as a power animal:

“The gazelle has the ability to zig-zag swiftly from side to side, often outwitting the cheetah and putting themselves out of the cheetah's straight line run of attack.

  Similarly, those who try and escape depression, fear, negative emotions and habits of the past often find themselves stopped in their tracks, with the negative emotions they try to avoid at their throats. “

And the suggested learning is:

“The gazelle means being at ease with our own vulnerability and using the acute awareness and sensitivity we have.  Acknowledge the ability to discover new paths yet change direction when required, freeing ourselves from the negativity of the past.  Put all your energy into a positive way of living and thinking. Life is an adventure.  Grasp it with both hands and a heart filled with anticipation and eagerness.”  (By Ina Wolcott)

How apt!  Ok, message received and understood.  A subsequent meditation showed me a tortoise crawling out of a hole – perhaps after hibernation – the message from that one simple enough to understand.

So now, I’m making a point of taking one small step each day towards making what might seem like small and inconsequential changes to my life.  Because these changes are deeply personal to me and involve digging to the very heart of myself, there are times when I feel very uncomfortable and even scared, but I’m not giving up.  I know that mental discipline is required and a tenacity, which I thought I had, but only now do I realise what it actually means to use it.  This has to be the hardest part of all I’ve gone through because it's totally self-generated and no one can do any of it for me.

So, I’m setting off on the journey into the second half of this lifetime and breathing deeply in anticipation of all that is to come.  Wish me luck and I’ll post an update when there’s more to tell.  I’m sharing my experience because I know that in these uncertain times, only one thing is certain, and that is change, so I can't be the only one upon this journey.

Blessings to one and all.