Having already spent
many years helping people towards their own healing and playing my part by
being a catalyst for their change, it has been frustrating during recent years
to notice that my own change was not readily forthcoming. I’ve become accustomed to the fact that
those who turn up to welcome in change would inevitably attract messages that
would also apply to myself. And, over
time, I just got to thinking that I had to wait patiently, with blind faith as
my only companion, for whatever was deemed to be my lot in life. What I hadn’t realised was that during
this extended period of waiting, my ego had dug a deep rut for me to reside
in. Oh, it has undoubtedly been a
comfortable rut, so much so that I didn’t realise it was a rut … until today.
Following the very
powerful new moon last weekend, I sensed something had to give – maybe all this
professional hanging around had to go – it was either time to grab change with
both hands or drown in a mire of stagnation. Well, I couldn’t bear the thought of staying still any
longer, so I opted for change and began to make notes about what has to go from
my life. If I’m going to make any changes, I need to see clearly where I’m
going or how I want my life to be, so I’ve had to lose a few trees in order to
see the wood.
It’s early days at
present, and progress is slow. A
pre-clearing meditation showed my real self as being represented by a
gazelle. This is what I found out
about the gazelle as a power animal:
“The gazelle
has the ability to zig-zag swiftly from side to side, often outwitting the
cheetah and putting themselves out of the cheetah's straight line run of
attack.
Similarly, those who try and escape depression, fear, negative emotions
and habits of the past often find themselves stopped in their tracks, with the
negative emotions they try to avoid at their throats. “
And the suggested learning is:
“The gazelle means being at ease with our own
vulnerability and using the acute awareness and sensitivity we have. Acknowledge the ability to discover new
paths yet change direction when required, freeing ourselves from the negativity
of the past. Put all your energy
into a positive way of living and thinking. Life is an adventure. Grasp it with both hands and a heart
filled with anticipation and eagerness.”
(By Ina Wolcott)
How apt!
Ok, message received and understood. A subsequent meditation showed me a tortoise crawling out of
a hole – perhaps after hibernation – the message from that one simple enough to
understand.
So now, I’m making a point of taking one small step
each day towards making what might seem like small and inconsequential changes
to my life. Because these changes
are deeply personal to me and involve digging to the very heart of myself,
there are times when I feel very uncomfortable and even scared, but I’m not
giving up. I know that mental
discipline is required and a tenacity, which I thought I had, but only now do
I realise what it actually means to use it. This has to be the hardest part of all I’ve gone through
because it's totally self-generated and no one can do any of it for me.
So, I’m setting off on the journey into the second
half of this lifetime and breathing deeply in anticipation of all that is to
come. Wish me luck and I’ll post
an update when there’s more to tell.
I’m sharing my experience because I know that in these uncertain times,
only one thing is certain, and that is change, so I can't be the only one upon this
journey.
Blessings to one and all.
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