Reflecting upon relationships

A phrase which holds dear to me is "nothing is itself without everything else".  This is true I feel, to a large extent, of western civilisation - we all need other people in some way to reflect back to us who we are as we experiment with the experiences of life.

Many feel it is impossible to live without frequent reassurance of who and where they are, even if it means staying in a defective relationship, whilst others choose to get by with only sporadic interaction with others.  However, although each of us have differing abilities to contribute to any interaction, we may choose to only contribute fully and with confidence those aspects of ourselves in which we excel or favour, therefore controlling the outcome.
 

As we weave our way through life, we scratch the surface of those we want to know and go about the task of discovering what aspects that other person contains to ultimately see whether enough edges and grooves fit comfortably with our own, and there is the possibility of some new growth.  There may be physical or visual traits we like to have around us more permanently, yet ignore or make fit the other aspects which we subconsciously know will only disappoint.  So a relationship based upon degrees of compromise is formed - perhaps the reality never quite becoming the dream.   A relationship can occur anywhere along the comfort scale and exist for many a year, depending upon the tenacity of those involved, but can growth occur if we suppress certain aspects of ourselves, including honesty?


We might choose to live alone (not daring to open the heart), carefully selecting those we wish to interact with who mirror our qualities of choice whilst concealing an aspect we'd like to ignore - dipping in and out of society just enough to maintain some sort of continuum.  However, the way life happens decrees that whoever we have contact with can and will, at some point, hold up the mirror, casting an incisive spotlight into our heart, bringing into stark relief that we would choose to hide. 


In my opinion, for any sort of relationship to be built and survive, there needs to be an understanding that the union will provide mutual support to withstand the challenges and effort that life itself requires, with regular input.  Personally, I doubt the existence of Mount Nirvana where a free ride is guaranteed all the way down the far side to a blissful ending.  I think relationships of any kind will always be a work in progress, just as long as we remain willing to learn, lessons continually being repeated until, at best, understanding and harmony are achieved.  By practicing humility and acceptance, the stout-hearted can ride any emotional storm and emerge stronger and a good deal more philosophical, but a sense of humour is essential.